sticksades: (Deeks)
Episode Title: Chinatown (1x16)
Caf-Pow rating: 3.5/5
Review: 20 Icons!


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sticksades: (coverkiss)
Episode Title: Red Part 1 (4x18)
Caf-Pow rating: 4/5
Review: 2 Picspams

For this Tony Tuesday, I decided to make picspam's of my favorite parts from Red Part 1. I actually like the Red Team, and if they ever make more, I would totally watch it!   :D   I gave this episode a 4 because it kept me hanging....

This just leaves one question..... WHAT's in the BOX????!!!!! I know it's something he's always wanted, but what is that? I really hate some cliffhangers : (

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sticksades: (closeup)
Title: Goodbye
Length/Word Count: 1174
Pairing/Characters: Kensi
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own it :)
Summary: A Sans Voir (3x24) Missing Scene. 
It’s a cloudy day, a taste of sadness hanging over the air. With the promise of rain on the horizon, people start arriving at the scene. Most people already found their seats save for a few. Those people slowly make their way towards their seats, as if they don’t want to be there. Three people in total: three men and two women dressed in black. Some co-workers, others friends, two of them acquaintances of the deceased.  In all reality it’s the last place on earth they want to be. Yet it’s also the only other place they would not change going to.  They wouldn’t miss this chance for the world. The chance to say goodbye to their fallen comrade.
Not everyone could make it. One was arrested, while the other upped and disappeared. Nothing could be done about that though. Right now the focus is exactly where it should be. Paying their respects to Special Agent Mike Renko. He was a son and friend. A man who was important to many people. But, maybe just a tad more important to one person. 
Special Agent Kensi Blye can’t believe this is really happening. She’s here today to bury a dear friend, someone who was her brother, in every sense of the word. There was just a small problem of blood. Each step she takes just makes her want to turn around and run, to never look back. But she can’t. Instead she carries on; she doesn’t keep walking once she reaches her seat. Instead she takes a seat in between Sam and Deeks, with Nell and Eric sitting on the end.
For a moment her composure slips: her eyes water, and her lip quivers. But that moment was enough for everyone to see the grief swimming behind her eyes. Her body tenses as she feels someone sliding their hand onto her clenched fists, which she put on her lap. After a moment she relaxes and accepts the offered comfort her partner is offering. She offers him a quick smile when their eyes meet, but only for a sec. To anyone watching it would look like nothing happened at all. 
“We are here to remember the man who was taken from this earth too early in a tragic accident.” From here she tunes him out. Not wishing to hear the cover story one more time. So far no one poked around the holes surrounding Renko’s death, but maybe that’s a matter of time. Everyone must still be in shock. Kensi understands the cover story is necessary but her heart and head have been battling for days over his death.
Her heart says she should grieve. To give herself time to say goodbye, but she can’t seem to give in just yet. Her head is the main reason for not giving in. There is still so much more that has to be done. There has to be a way to get Callen out of jail. Hetty needs to be found. There just isn’t any time. 
She finally snaps out of her internal monologue when Deeks squeezes her hand once more, noticing that his partners’ attention had wandered off. The priest had stopped speaking, a moment of silence was asked for to honor the dead. 
Soon it became time for the lowering of the casket. As they did that, the song I’ll Remember softly plays in the background. For moments nobody moves. Then slowly one by one, person after person gets up and approaches the grave to say their final goodbye. From there they headed off towards the place set aside for the reception. 
After a few minutes the area has cleared out. Now it’s their turn. Eric goes first, with Nell as support.
“We’ll meet you at the car,” Eric informs before he gets up and walks those ten heavy steps.
Sam goes next, but before he does he clasps Kensi on the shoulder and presses a tiny kiss to her head. Giving Deeks a look as he turns to go. Understanding what he’s not saying out loud, Deeks nods in response. 
Sam takes longer, giving Deeks a chance to check on his partner. Taking a deep breathe Deeks looks towards his partner, “You okay?”
Scoffing she replies, her eyes focused on the area where his grave will be “Can anyone really be okay with this?”
“Honestly….? No, if you were I’d be worried.”
“Just give me some time Deeks, ask me again next week. Right now there is still so much that needs to be done.”
“And it will get done, no one will forget about Callen or Hetty. Right now though you should focus on this. Give yourself today; give yourself the time today goodbye before you start trying to fix everything else. Take all the time you need, we’ll wait for you. We’ll wait forever if we have to.” With those words Deeks squeezes her hands one more time then reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out one white rose and lays it on his seat that he just left, hoping she will understand. Like Sam he gives her a kiss on the head, but unlike Sam he keeps his lips pressed against her head for a longer. Giving her a small amount of comfort, that she needs and will accept now, but knowing after the service, once she has said her goodbye, she will go back to being Special Agent Kensi Blye instead of just Kensi Blye. A woman who just lost someone who she cared deeply for. 
He then turns and walks to the grave and says his own goodbye to the man who he met a few time, yet, he never got to really know. 
From her seat Kensi watch this with cloudy eyes, as she refused to let the tears fall. For five minutes after Deeks left she just sat there staring at the grave, though it felt much longer. Slowly she picked up the single white rose Deeks left behind and got up from her seat. Step by slow step she walked towards the grave that will now forever become the home of Special Agent Mike Renko. Her first partner ... Her friend ... Her brother. After what seemed like years she reached it. Standing there she looked down at his casket. Not saying anything, silence surrounded the air. Her grip slowly loosened on the rose and it fell down. Coming to a stop on the end of the casket. As it hit, a tear escaped, falling down her cheek, a tear she made no move to wipe away. A few minutes later she turned as if to walk away, but stopped. She couldn’t leave without saying this, even though it made it so much more real. With two words said she turned once again and walked away, towards where her team was waiting, ready to fix what they could.
No one near enough to catch could tell what she said, yet the wind around the grave picked up the two words as clear as day,
“Goodbye Mike.”

sticksades: (coverkiss)
Title: Those Nine Words
Length/Word Count: 1567
Pairing/Characters: Kensi/Deeks
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own it :)
Summary: Nine little words can sure surprise a girl. Those words are even better when they lead to an unexpected future.



Those Nine Words

They were at his place having a nice dinner; they were curled up on the couch next to each other. He even had some candles out around living room. Two on each end table, with the lights dimmed, it created a nice romantic feel in the air. The silence was actually nice, there was no urge to fill it with small talk. Everything seemed to be going great until he said those nine little words.

“You are a good person and I love you,” the love of her life, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks started his sentence with those nine words that made Special Agent Kensi Blye freeze. Heart pumping faster, she tries to ignore the lump forming in her throat, trying to pay attention to her lover, but she can’t seem to concentrate on what he is saying. All she can hear is the blood roaring in her ears. But the last time she ever heard those words, it wasn’t pretty. Those words only brought a broken heart, the very thing she’s tried to avoid ever having to experience again. It’s why it took so long for her to open her heart to him.

It all started soon after she met him. They spent weeks, month, even years flirting around each other, each ignoring the elephant in the room. They worked as partners for as long as they have known each other. One night… one impossible night… everything just came to a standstill. Over that last year, many things took place: rescuing Hetty from Romania, Deeks pretending to get fired, and now this. She had finally caught the guy who took everything from her, the guy who had murdered her father all those years ago. She spent the day chasing him, leading him away from her team, just so no one could get hurt. At the end of the day she was lost, she had no purpose now… she had finished what she set out to do. After talking to her mother Kensi had no desire to be alone. Talking with her mother made her realize something.

She, Kensi Blye, can’t go on like this. Day in and day out it’s the same: go to work, catch some bad guys, work on her father’s case, and go home. Home… Go home to an empty house, where the only sound heard is from her reality TV show watching. She can’t do it anymore. It may come to some surprise but she wants to hear some child’s laughter filing up her house. She’s even up for the white picket fence, the whole shebang.

There is one lesson her father taught her all those years ago that will always stick with her. He would say, “Kensi, remember Baby Girl … Nothing good ever comes easy, if you really want it go get it and don’t let anything stand in your way. It’s yours; all you have to do is take it.” Looking back, she realizes he’s right. She’s tired of being alone, so why doesn’t she go for it. She knows why… she’s scared. She has spent the last 10 years or so guarding her heart from ever becoming vulnerable again. So what should she do? Go for it? Or keep on ignoring the big elephant between them. After today she’s inclined to do the former. Going at it alone really sucked, there were times where all she wanted was to hear his voice. She even broke down and called him once, but she couldn’t find the courage to let home in. For his safety, she reasoned every time she talked herself out of calling.

Lost in her thoughts she didn’t pay attention to where she was going. She only noticed where she ended up, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks’s apartment. Wincing when the pain in her side became noticeable, Kensi slowly made her way towards his door. Pacing back and forth in front of his door, she couldn’t make herself knock to alert him of her presence. So lost in thought she didn’t pay attention to her surroundings until…

“Kensi….” His voice breaks her out of her musings. Startled she turns quickly, twisting her ribs in the process. Breathing in deeply she tries to regain her breath, holding her side as she waits for the pain to leave.

Cursing he quickly rushes to her side, and leads her inside. Making sure she’s settled on the couch, he goes to the kitchen and comes back with an icepack. Sitting beside her he helps her carefully press it to her side. Not saying anything, he just sits there; it’s up to her to make the first move… to tell him what she needs.

As the pain subsides, she turns to study him. Wearing fresh clothes, his hair a little darker than usual, with his hair just beginning to curl. He looks like he’s just come from the ocean, from surfing. At the moment though, nothing matters. Not today, nothing. At the moment their eyes connect and the world stops. All those fears that were coursing through her mind earlier are nonexistent. Nothing else matters, except for the look in his eyes, the look that has nothing except for love shining through.

She ended up staying that night, and the next. Over the next few months they never really defined what exactly was happening. There was no need. Everything was going good … great even, nothing seemed to change other than the fact that there was now a “thing”. She thought everything was going great, up until tonight, when he started with  those nine little words, and her whole world stopped.

Kensi remembers how it felt to wake up that Christmas morning all those years ago, to find everything exactly as it was the night before. Only there was one small difference. Instead of her fiancée sleeping next to her there was a letter. A letter … that to this day she remembers word for word:

 Dear Kensi,

You are a good person and I love. This just isn’t the life I’d hope I have. The life I wanted for us. I woke up this morning with a moment of clarity, clarity that has allowed me to see everything that has been going on lately concerning me, you, even us. I know with everything that has been going on lately, things have been different. Instead of becoming closer, we’ve been drifting apart. Looking back now, I can see how it all began. The only thing I can say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry our life we were supposed to live together has turned into this. I hope one day you can forgive me for this. It’s just …. I’ve seen you late at night, poring over those files, looking for some clue into whatever it is your hiding from me. I took a second to see for myself what you’ve been working on and … Oh Kensi, why could you not just tell me the truth. At first I thought I could have helped you, but then I realized I couldn’t help you in the way I’ve been thinking of. No, you should be free to pursue until you learn the truth. You remember the saying: If you truly love someone then you have to let them go. Well … Kensi, baby I’m sorry. But this is it… you shouldn’t be stuck here, not like this. I know you, you’ll find who did it and baby, I wish all the luck in the world in your endeavor.

I love you and I always will,


“Kensi…Kensi…” Noticing the faraway look in her eye, he tries to get her attention.

“Yea-” she responds, her voice barely more than a whisper. Clearing her throat she hopes her voice comes out stronger, “Yeah, I’m sorry Deeks. I must’ve spaced for a second. You were saying?”

Concerned he tries to catch her eye, but it seems she’s determined to avoid his gaze. “Are you okay? You’ve been awful quiet tonight.”

“I’m fine.”

And he thought he broke her of that habit. Now he knows something is definitely wrong. First he felt her tense in his arms and now she uses the phrase “I’m fine”, this was not going as planned. He knows it a big step but he didn’t think it would go like this. “You only say your fine, when you’re not,” he points out.

“Deeks,” she sighs. “Just finish what you were saying.” She doesn’t want to prolong this anymore than necessary. If he’s going to say what she thinks he is then there’s no point in prolonging the experience. She’d rather know now than in 5 … even 10 minutes.

“Are you sure? We could just forget this ever happened?” he suggests. “That didn’t some out right… I had this whole speech prepared. It was actually quite good if I do say so myself. Here, I wrote it down somewhere.”

Impatient she turns towards him and glares, “What are you talking about?”

In one move he slips off the couch and kneels in front of her. Taking a piece of paper out of his pocket he reads, “You are a good person and I love you Kensi Marie Blye.”

Her mouth dropped open at this. What the heck is he doing?

Using his other hand he presents a box to her. Slowly opening it he asks, “Will you marry me?”

A/N: This was my entry for Challenge 25: A Softer World


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April 2014

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