Jul. 18th, 2012

sticksades: (closeup)
Title: Goodbye
Length/Word Count: 1174
Pairing/Characters: Kensi
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own it :)
Summary: A Sans Voir (3x24) Missing Scene. 
It’s a cloudy day, a taste of sadness hanging over the air. With the promise of rain on the horizon, people start arriving at the scene. Most people already found their seats save for a few. Those people slowly make their way towards their seats, as if they don’t want to be there. Three people in total: three men and two women dressed in black. Some co-workers, others friends, two of them acquaintances of the deceased.  In all reality it’s the last place on earth they want to be. Yet it’s also the only other place they would not change going to.  They wouldn’t miss this chance for the world. The chance to say goodbye to their fallen comrade.
Not everyone could make it. One was arrested, while the other upped and disappeared. Nothing could be done about that though. Right now the focus is exactly where it should be. Paying their respects to Special Agent Mike Renko. He was a son and friend. A man who was important to many people. But, maybe just a tad more important to one person. 
Special Agent Kensi Blye can’t believe this is really happening. She’s here today to bury a dear friend, someone who was her brother, in every sense of the word. There was just a small problem of blood. Each step she takes just makes her want to turn around and run, to never look back. But she can’t. Instead she carries on; she doesn’t keep walking once she reaches her seat. Instead she takes a seat in between Sam and Deeks, with Nell and Eric sitting on the end.
For a moment her composure slips: her eyes water, and her lip quivers. But that moment was enough for everyone to see the grief swimming behind her eyes. Her body tenses as she feels someone sliding their hand onto her clenched fists, which she put on her lap. After a moment she relaxes and accepts the offered comfort her partner is offering. She offers him a quick smile when their eyes meet, but only for a sec. To anyone watching it would look like nothing happened at all. 
“We are here to remember the man who was taken from this earth too early in a tragic accident.” From here she tunes him out. Not wishing to hear the cover story one more time. So far no one poked around the holes surrounding Renko’s death, but maybe that’s a matter of time. Everyone must still be in shock. Kensi understands the cover story is necessary but her heart and head have been battling for days over his death.
Her heart says she should grieve. To give herself time to say goodbye, but she can’t seem to give in just yet. Her head is the main reason for not giving in. There is still so much more that has to be done. There has to be a way to get Callen out of jail. Hetty needs to be found. There just isn’t any time. 
She finally snaps out of her internal monologue when Deeks squeezes her hand once more, noticing that his partners’ attention had wandered off. The priest had stopped speaking, a moment of silence was asked for to honor the dead. 
Soon it became time for the lowering of the casket. As they did that, the song I’ll Remember softly plays in the background. For moments nobody moves. Then slowly one by one, person after person gets up and approaches the grave to say their final goodbye. From there they headed off towards the place set aside for the reception. 
After a few minutes the area has cleared out. Now it’s their turn. Eric goes first, with Nell as support.
“We’ll meet you at the car,” Eric informs before he gets up and walks those ten heavy steps.
Sam goes next, but before he does he clasps Kensi on the shoulder and presses a tiny kiss to her head. Giving Deeks a look as he turns to go. Understanding what he’s not saying out loud, Deeks nods in response. 
Sam takes longer, giving Deeks a chance to check on his partner. Taking a deep breathe Deeks looks towards his partner, “You okay?”
Scoffing she replies, her eyes focused on the area where his grave will be “Can anyone really be okay with this?”
“Honestly….? No, if you were I’d be worried.”
“Just give me some time Deeks, ask me again next week. Right now there is still so much that needs to be done.”
“And it will get done, no one will forget about Callen or Hetty. Right now though you should focus on this. Give yourself today; give yourself the time today goodbye before you start trying to fix everything else. Take all the time you need, we’ll wait for you. We’ll wait forever if we have to.” With those words Deeks squeezes her hands one more time then reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out one white rose and lays it on his seat that he just left, hoping she will understand. Like Sam he gives her a kiss on the head, but unlike Sam he keeps his lips pressed against her head for a longer. Giving her a small amount of comfort, that she needs and will accept now, but knowing after the service, once she has said her goodbye, she will go back to being Special Agent Kensi Blye instead of just Kensi Blye. A woman who just lost someone who she cared deeply for. 
He then turns and walks to the grave and says his own goodbye to the man who he met a few time, yet, he never got to really know. 
From her seat Kensi watch this with cloudy eyes, as she refused to let the tears fall. For five minutes after Deeks left she just sat there staring at the grave, though it felt much longer. Slowly she picked up the single white rose Deeks left behind and got up from her seat. Step by slow step she walked towards the grave that will now forever become the home of Special Agent Mike Renko. Her first partner ... Her friend ... Her brother. After what seemed like years she reached it. Standing there she looked down at his casket. Not saying anything, silence surrounded the air. Her grip slowly loosened on the rose and it fell down. Coming to a stop on the end of the casket. As it hit, a tear escaped, falling down her cheek, a tear she made no move to wipe away. A few minutes later she turned as if to walk away, but stopped. She couldn’t leave without saying this, even though it made it so much more real. With two words said she turned once again and walked away, towards where her team was waiting, ready to fix what they could.
No one near enough to catch could tell what she said, yet the wind around the grave picked up the two words as clear as day,
“Goodbye Mike.”



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