Those Nine Words
They were at his place having a nice dinner; they were curled up on the couch next to each other. He even had some candles out around living room. Two on each end table, with the lights dimmed, it created a nice romantic feel in the air. The silence was actually nice, there was no urge to fill it with small talk. Everything seemed to be going great until he said those nine little words.
“You are a good person and I love you,” the love of her life, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks started his sentence with those nine words that made Special Agent Kensi Blye freeze. Heart pumping faster, she tries to ignore the lump forming in her throat, trying to pay attention to her lover, but she can’t seem to concentrate on what he is saying. All she can hear is the blood roaring in her ears. But the last time she ever heard those words, it wasn’t pretty. Those words only brought a broken heart, the very thing she’s tried to avoid ever having to experience again. It’s why it took so long for her to open her heart to him.
It all started soon after she met him. They spent weeks, month, even years flirting around each other, each ignoring the elephant in the room. They worked as partners for as long as they have known each other. One night… one impossible night… everything just came to a standstill. Over that last year, many things took place: rescuing Hetty from Romania, Deeks pretending to get fired, and now this. She had finally caught the guy who took everything from her, the guy who had murdered her father all those years ago. She spent the day chasing him, leading him away from her team, just so no one could get hurt. At the end of the day she was lost, she had no purpose now… she had finished what she set out to do. After talking to her mother Kensi had no desire to be alone. Talking with her mother made her realize something.
She, Kensi Blye, can’t go on like this. Day in and day out it’s the same: go to work, catch some bad guys, work on her father’s case, and go home. Home… Go home to an empty house, where the only sound heard is from her reality TV show watching. She can’t do it anymore. It may come to some surprise but she wants to hear some child’s laughter filing up her house. She’s even up for the white picket fence, the whole shebang.
There is one lesson her father taught her all those years ago that will always stick with her. He would say, “Kensi, remember Baby Girl … Nothing good ever comes easy, if you really want it go get it and don’t let anything stand in your way. It’s yours; all you have to do is take it.” Looking back, she realizes he’s right. She’s tired of being alone, so why doesn’t she go for it. She knows why… she’s scared. She has spent the last 10 years or so guarding her heart from ever becoming vulnerable again. So what should she do? Go for it? Or keep on ignoring the big elephant between them. After today she’s inclined to do the former. Going at it alone really sucked, there were times where all she wanted was to hear his voice. She even broke down and called him once, but she couldn’t find the courage to let home in. For his safety, she reasoned every time she talked herself out of calling.
Lost in her thoughts she didn’t pay attention to where she was going. She only noticed where she ended up, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks’s apartment. Wincing when the pain in her side became noticeable, Kensi slowly made her way towards his door. Pacing back and forth in front of his door, she couldn’t make herself knock to alert him of her presence. So lost in thought she didn’t pay attention to her surroundings until…
“Kensi….” His voice breaks her out of her musings. Startled she turns quickly, twisting her ribs in the process. Breathing in deeply she tries to regain her breath, holding her side as she waits for the pain to leave.
Cursing he quickly rushes to her side, and leads her inside. Making sure she’s settled on the couch, he goes to the kitchen and comes back with an icepack. Sitting beside her he helps her carefully press it to her side. Not saying anything, he just sits there; it’s up to her to make the first move… to tell him what she needs.
As the pain subsides, she turns to study him. Wearing fresh clothes, his hair a little darker than usual, with his hair just beginning to curl. He looks like he’s just come from the ocean, from surfing. At the moment though, nothing matters. Not today, nothing. At the moment their eyes connect and the world stops. All those fears that were coursing through her mind earlier are nonexistent. Nothing else matters, except for the look in his eyes, the look that has nothing except for love shining through.
She ended up staying that night, and the next. Over the next few months they never really defined what exactly was happening. There was no need. Everything was going good … great even, nothing seemed to change other than the fact that there was now a “thing”. She thought everything was going great, up until tonight, when he started with those nine little words, and her whole world stopped.
Kensi remembers how it felt to wake up that Christmas morning all those years ago, to find everything exactly as it was the night before. Only there was one small difference. Instead of her fiancée sleeping next to her there was a letter. A letter … that to this day she remembers word for word:
You are a good person and I love. This just isn’t the life I’d hope I have. The life I wanted for us. I woke up this morning with a moment of clarity, clarity that has allowed me to see everything that has been going on lately concerning me, you, even us. I know with everything that has been going on lately, things have been different. Instead of becoming closer, we’ve been drifting apart. Looking back now, I can see how it all began. The only thing I can say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry our life we were supposed to live together has turned into this. I hope one day you can forgive me for this. It’s just …. I’ve seen you late at night, poring over those files, looking for some clue into whatever it is your hiding from me. I took a second to see for myself what you’ve been working on and … Oh Kensi, why could you not just tell me the truth. At first I thought I could have helped you, but then I realized I couldn’t help you in the way I’ve been thinking of. No, you should be free to pursue until you learn the truth. You remember the saying: If you truly love someone then you have to let them go. Well … Kensi, baby I’m sorry. But this is it… you shouldn’t be stuck here, not like this. I know you, you’ll find who did it and baby, I wish all the luck in the world in your endeavor.
I love you and I always will,
“Kensi…Kensi…” Noticing the faraway look in her eye, he tries to get her attention.
“Yea-” she responds, her voice barely more than a whisper. Clearing her throat she hopes her voice comes out stronger, “Yeah, I’m sorry Deeks. I must’ve spaced for a second. You were saying?”
Concerned he tries to catch her eye, but it seems she’s determined to avoid his gaze. “Are you okay? You’ve been awful quiet tonight.”
And he thought he broke her of that habit. Now he knows something is definitely wrong. First he felt her tense in his arms and now she uses the phrase “I’m fine”, this was not going as planned. He knows it a big step but he didn’t think it would go like this. “You only say your fine, when you’re not,” he points out.
“Deeks,” she sighs. “Just finish what you were saying.” She doesn’t want to prolong this anymore than necessary. If he’s going to say what she thinks he is then there’s no point in prolonging the experience. She’d rather know now than in 5 … even 10 minutes.
“Are you sure? We could just forget this ever happened?” he suggests. “That didn’t some out right… I had this whole speech prepared. It was actually quite good if I do say so myself. Here, I wrote it down somewhere.”
Impatient she turns towards him and glares, “What are you talking about?”
In one move he slips off the couch and kneels in front of her. Taking a piece of paper out of his pocket he reads, “You are a good person and I love you Kensi Marie Blye.”
Her mouth dropped open at this. What the heck is he doing?
Using his other hand he presents a box to her. Slowly opening it he asks, “Will you marry me?”
A/N: This was my entry for Challenge 25: A Softer World